MOM

An acronym for Made of Money, or at least that's what my son thinks I am, also snack holder and carrier of extra clothes so he can get wet at the museum or water park. I am 26 years old and I feel like I've done nothing with my life. There's so much that I want to do and I don't do it, procrastination is my worst enemy. Its basic things like learning how to drive, getting my own space for me and my kiddie, but the most simplest basic thing is finding the love of my life. I read somewhere that there is no such thing as the one but someone whose close to the one like .60 or .72 and you just have to settle in some way. Its true, being a mom is a thankless job. You do all the things that no one wants to do, its easy to be the bad guy cause they don't see your sacrifices. My son is like a broken record, he says he hates me, that he wants to be with his dad, that he's not my baby anymore, that I'm not his best friend anymore. I used to ignore it at first cause he's 4 and he said it out of anger but he's still saying it and it hurts me cause if only he'd knew everything that I put up with he wouldn't say it. Another thing that he says is that I don't love him and that I don't like him, like how is that possible. How could that thought even cross his mind, I worked and worked to make sure he had everything and more, to make sure he had a different childhood than me. Every time he says that I get down to his level, look him straight in his face to make sure he's really paying attention to what I am going to tell him and I try to make it as clear as I possibly for him: there's no love purer than what I am giving him, that no one in the world is going to love him like I do.

A day will come when I will shed light on his dads side of the family or as I like to say The Dysfunctional Bunch: his grandfather tried to run up on me, the grandmother is confused doesn't know if she's American or Mexican, and least his father that asked how much the pill would cost after he found out I was pregnant. 

My mom to this day is devastated that I told him that I was pregnant, well first she was upset that I got pregnant by him, then that I told him. She's like why did you tell him, cause me being the delusional that I am, thought I was going to get my fairytale that I wanted, instead I got the nightmare that this now considered the norm. To be fair though I gave him three options when I knew it wasn't going my way: we try to be a happy family, co-parent, lastly he signs over his rights. To this day he hasn't chosen an option. He said my pregnancy was an entrapment, I laughed so hard I think I almost peed, I was baffled at the words that were coming out of his mouth, I couldn't believe that he was trying to blame a baby on me. I said this to him multiple times and I will say it to my son twice as much: any time you are being intimate with a girl and don't use protection be responsible of any outcome that is to come.